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Richard Wallace Reports!

In the first of many exclusive reports, our man in a field Richard Wallace gets the REAL scoop on last week’s hottest story.


Traffic in downtown Hollywood was at a complete standstill earlier today following a disagreement between R&B stars Frank Ocean and Chris Brown over a parking spot outside a Los Angeles recording studio.

“It’s okay, my good fellow!” Brown was heard to remark. “You take the spot – I was here all day yesterday. It’s your turn.”

But Ocean was characteristically modest about the situation: “Please, sir!” he implored of his parking rival. “I must insist – you were clearly here before me. Fair is fair.”

According to eyewitness Dorothy Corliss, the exchange between the two continued in this way for twenty minutes before violent, misogynistic psychopath Brown declared that there was “only one way to solve this.

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I shall simply find the nearest tea-room and wait for you to finish up over a cup of Earl Grey.”

They then shook hands.

“I was yelling ‘Hit him! Hit him!’” recalls Corliss, “but the two of them just sat down on the curb, and Brown put his arm around Ocean and they hugged for like, ten minutes.”

Corliss told the LA Times that at one point she thought Ocean was about to pull a gun. “Finally,” I thought. “But it actually turned out to be a photograph of his new baby Daschund, Ray.

“He squared up to Brown and said to him ‘you can keep it if you like – I know how much you love Daschunds.’ The disgraced rapper responded by suggesting the pair of them both try to fit into the space, which jammed up the traffic for hours. They both seemed to be finding it hilarious, though. Then they left their cars in the middle of the road and went to get ice-cream.”

The pair allegedly returned to the studio later that day, skipping, to record a song together.

“It was crazy,” Ocean said. “At first I saw Chrissy – I call him Chrissy – and I thought, ‘oh, no.’ I’m not a fan of confrontation, but I thought I was going to have to give him a stern ticking off.”

“But then,” interjected Brown, laughing, “it turned out we hit it off! We’re the best of friends now. Frank’s going to speak at my wedding.”

“Who’d have thought it, eh?” Ocean said. “To think he used to publicly hurl homophobic slurs at me!”

“And now look – here we are finishing each other’s sentences! We’re just inseparable!”

The song, which Interscope have described in a press release as a “hip-hop tinged cover of Millie Small’s ‘My Boy Lollipop,’ will feature on the duo’s upcoming collaboration album, Friendship Bracelet.

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Work in Prowess is the ravings of a mad king left to rot in a besieged palace


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