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Do Not Date A Girl Who Is Raising A Spider Army

She is the one with the tousled hair and the shed she won’t let you go into. Ha ha, she says, I can’t find the key. She always has a story.

Don’t date a girl who is raising a spider army. She is unimpressed with your promotion, with your idea for the next big app. Her focus is elsewhere.

Don’t date a girl who is raising a spider army. She will always have mysterious swellings on her hands and feet, and the story of how she got them will change. She cannot be tied down to one thing, but she’s sure it was nothing to do with the shed.

Don’t date a girl who is raising a spider army. She is always ordering things from catalogs, things that arrive in temperature controlled boxes. Don’t touch them, she says. The girl who is raising a spider army has so many secrets.

Don’t date a girl who is raising a spider army. She cannot hold a job. Spiders surround her and the last person who interviewed her still hasn’t been found. She doesn’t have to be one of your automatons. When the spiders arise, they will remember her nurturing and honor her beyond all other humans.

Don’t date a girl who is raising a spider army. She took the library’s copy of The Two Towers and drew hearts around all the Shelob passages. She doesn’t own her own copy. She doesn’t believe in possessions. She doesn’t care about the fancy watch adorning your feeble four limbed frame. You have only two eyes to stare at her. That’s 1/4 the optimal number.

Don’t date a girl who is raising a spider army. Nothing’s in the shed, Jason. Just tools. Just tools and the future.

Don’t date a girl who is raising a spider army. She doesn’t need you. She’s got all these spiders.

About Work In Prowess

Work in Prowess is the ravings of a mad king left to rot in a besieged palace

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